The letter that should have gone out.

Dear Doctor

As your bank manager will have noticed – and no doubt is extremely grateful for – we have been paying you 22% more money lately. Simultaneously, your patients must have noticed your productivity has fallen by 2%. This has been a strategy of ours implemented ever since the funny-looking clown guy took office, this has been continued after the Scotsman took over.

We would like to ask you a favour. Those whinny guys at the World Health Organisation are nagging us again as it seems our standards of health have dropped below that of Tutustan. They have contacted our Health Protection Agency and asked that we improve our levels of immunisation. As we have a lovely rat-infested borrow of depravity they are a bit worried that we might be spreading some diseases that should have been eradicated in 1705. We need to give Pepe the Chav kid and his scruffy mates their shots so that good tax-paying citizens in suburbia can safely visit our burrow with their young babies.

As we don’t have any more money left after the good bankers ran out of ponzi victims and the government footed the bill. Oh, by the way, the IMF is also getting a bit whinny – apparently our politicians and financial regulators are putting the most corrupt Tutustan officials to shame. It’s so bad that flea-invested Tutustanian migrants are now swimming over the Channel to France. The French are complaining they can’t cope with the migration and Calais is full. They could do with more tents, if you have any spare tents lying around, a contribution would be appreciated.

Apparently the Tutustanians are complaining there is nothing left to do on our island as the money’s gone and our goats aren’t as well trained as theirs. They might as well return to Abbaladastad, their capital, where they have corrupt officials, no money and willing goats to keep them entertained.

We will need access to your immunisation data – pretty please with sugar on top – can you help us out on this one. We promise we will see if we can give you a couple of days off in the near future. We’ll also talk to Pepe and his scruffy crowd about your willing participation – they might be less inclined to scratch your new Ferrari.

Regards
Isayso101